there is no escape
no change

nothing is good
all is as it has always been

The world can't end soon enough.

It sucks when people who you cling onto, who you think are your good good friends...are nothing. They don't think the same. They don't care. It's awful. It really is. But this is how it always is for me anyway.

I am really becoming a failure lately. 

I just want to disappear. I can't stand anything. 

I just don't know.

Today would have been a very good day for a hug.

simple

i hope you die

i hope you die

i hope you die

every day that goes by,

i'm hoping that you've died.

Nervous.

I am always nervous lately.
The future is so shaky.


I have two friends in town now. One is good,yet sensitive and the other one is sort of fair weather.

At least I don't have to deal with lying backstabbers anymore.


My boss wanted to have sex with me. So I don't have a job now. Makes sense right?
Maybe I should report it somewhere.

I was really very capable at the job, in fact more capable than half of the workers... and the only reason I can't work there now is based on something that isn't work related at all. It seems like a just cause for reporting something, but I really have no idea how to go about that kind of thing. Perhaps I should look into it.


I am very nervous about this semester, but I am kind of excited about it too. I might make some new friends or meet some cutite patooties but I am not really interested in that. I just want to do the best I can do.

Over over

Can you ever forget when someone lies to you?
Is it possible to regain trust after feeling betrayed?
Why am I sensitive to stupid things?



I got a puppy awhile ago. Today I thought to myself, "She is truly what I needed to get over this rough stuff in life."  I love my dog a lot. She got hurt today. She's fine, but it was the most awful "scream" I have ever heard. I hope she never gets hurt again. She ran right for me but my mom swooped her up. She used to sleep in my room all the time but lately she likes only being downstairs. I wonder if maybe my dog doesn't really care for me. It's stupid and strange...but when you're always considering how loyal dogs are...and then yours doesn't even like you...it's really depressing !

I want to run away or die.

But it's scary to think about not existing anymore.
What's the point of any of this?


I wish my pup was my friend.
I wish I didn't feel so lousy all the time.

Sayo~nara~

I am saying goodbye to my dear friends the rats soon.
I have to be sad as much as I can before I actually do it.
I haven't been taking very good care of them lately, so it is about time I found them some good homes.

I remembered a humane animal shelter from my childhood and as it turns out they are still open.
Since they're humane I don't have to worry about them going to someone for snake food.
That makes me feel better.

Mostly I will miss Teruki and Dewey. Mostly Teruki.
All of the other rats could never make up their minds on if they wanted to be my friend or not.
Teruki was always the same.

I will miss them.
I hope someone new takes very good care of them.


I was listening to some person speak Japanese on a cd. He said "Sayonara~"...but he said it so beautifully, it was almost like a song. So I have to remember, when I feel like crying, that sometimes "sayonara" can be a beautiful thing.