"Hello!"

I'm done saying hello to people.
I always talk to people first. It must make me seem annoying.
Since I do it every time.
FROM NOW ONNN. I'm not going to say "hello!" any more.

Alone

alone alone alone


I am all alone. 〜 ♪

Quick to anger.

I'm quick to bad emotions. Little things make me mad. After I'm mad, every thing seems terrible. I want to try to control my anger.. Also, I hate pictures.

It's my dream, obore sasetai~

Pictures

Today a lot of thoughts are running through my head.

Pictures.

I saw a picture of my friend on facebook~ They were nice pictures and he was smiling and happy. Usually he looks bored so I was glad to see him smile. Then I started to think that I wish I could make people happy.. BUT Mostly , I wish I could take pictures with people and look nice.~ Some times when I see a picture of two people I feel gross! Some people don't look nice together.. it's almost like a puzzle piece. They don't fit. Then when I see people who fit together it makes me mad since I don't think I fit with any one! Ah haha. I usually like to take pictures when I'm with my friends so I can remember the good times we had~ Though it's a little difficult to look at pictures of people you're no longer friends with. I don't like remembering people who aren't your friends any more. Ehh. Then I think about why we're not friends..and how I felt attached to them..~~

Friends.

It has occurred to me that the word 'friend' is different for every one. To me a friend is some one you care about, and that you see, and have fun with. Some times I think a person is my good friend and then I'm shocked to learn that they don't think I'm their friend at all. My friends that I have around here, that I went to school with.. They always leave me for boys! It's terrible. I don't know why people surrender themselves to lust and forget about the people who hold them while they cry.~ Recently some one told me that they thought I was their best friend, but I never talk to her? So it's weird. I think hanging out with people and enjoying their company is important for me. Usually I forget about people if they don't talk to me. I have a few friends that are far away but I have them buried so deep into my heart that I can never forget them even if I don't talk to them. It also surprises me how I click with people. My ex friend Eric and I clicked really fast and had a good friend ship, but it didn't last very long. I thought he was my good friend but he didn't think the same. My friend Tracia and I clicked pretty fast too! I remember I used to talk to her when I was younger and I really care about her but we lost contact through out the years. I heard from her last week though so it made me happy.~ Antonio is my friend..but he's my worst enemy too. I guess they say that there's a thin line between 'love' and 'hate' and I think it's true. It must be since it's easier to be hurt by some one you love, which makes it simple for them to cross the line into hate. Then you meet some people that it seems like its destiny to be friends with them. Like Ryota. I saw his site when I was looking around msn, and I sent him a message.. then like a YEAR later he messaged me back. Then it turned out that he was visiting a place close to where I live so I got to meet him. I don't know much about him but for some reason I really care about him too.. so that also makes me think we were supposed to meet and become friends.

Happiness.

What does it take for a person to be truly happy? I think obtaining pure happiness is impossible for people like me. For a moment I will feel happy and the next I'm not. I always get different ideas in my head about the future and what I think the outcome will be makes me happy. When some thing happens that changes my plans it makes me sad. But I'm very whimsical I don't know what I want! I think in order for me to feel accomplished I have to write out goals for myself. I don't know what kind of job I want to have in the future, but I have an idea of what kind of person I want to be. Perhaps if I really think about it I should work towards becoming that person..~ Or some thing. I really don't know.

Other Stuff.

I quit my job! It made me nervous as soon as I did it,but my dad just opened a store so maybe I can work there. I've been working since I was young kid and with school just ending and every thing I guess I felt a little burnt out and needed a break. When I told Antonio I quit he told me he was disappointed in me. But, you know..it doesn't matter if it disappoints him because he doesn't depend on me. Why does it disappoint him any way? He said some thing like "I never expected you to do this kind of thing.." I didn't kill any one! My brother told me I'm stupid..but he never had a job before so he can't say any thing to me either.~ I'm tired of people giving me their opinions when I dont ask for them. If I need help with some thing no one tells me any thing,but as soon as I act how I think I should I get all the critism the world has to offer! EUGH.

I have had a song stuck in my head called Snow White. I didn't really know what it was saying or any thing but the music to it was nice~ It was soothing to hear. But I looked at the lyrics now and I still don't understand it! However, one lyric I liked.

Pain is proof of living
Everyone and everything has it.
That is a tale from long ago.
No one knows.

Weirdo.

I'm a little bit strange..when ever I see a lovely man it makes me want to be a boy. *_* But beautiful women make me want to be a boy too nyahaha.

--

I met a friend that I've spoken too for quite a few years online a few months ago, and this Sunday until Tuesday I slept at her house. It was fun! I think we will be good friends for a long time. She's moving soon though.. Sad face.