:(

Life's a fleeting dream, don't let it go.

Ya gotta make the best of it you know.

Winter break. It was long. I set myself some goals. I accomplished none of them.

I did however, watch a lot of anime.

Some might regret the loss of time spent. Some might curse themselves for their lack of motivation. I mourn for the finality of it.

Ever since I was small I liked watching T.V... More like, loved it. Even after I was done watching a show I sat in my room and imagined how life would be if it were more like whatever I just watched. Make believe always seemed preferable to actuality..but when you live in a disgusting and abusive world what can one really expect? In a lot of the shows I watched life was also pretty abusive. There were always epic battles and scary 'final' fights..blood, sweat, tears, deaths. The characters always over came it though. They always beat the bad guy and went on living.

I was always jealous.

I would have fought 1,000 Majin Boo's when I was 10 years old if I could only escape my pushover mother and terribly abusive step dad. And even though I pretended I could run away I knew it was all just in my head. I wanted to be gone so badly that I told myself stories about how far away I would get. I was always always always making up stories.

Then I met someone.

I thought maybe real life could be more beautiful than T.V.

I stopped being creative, I didn't want to run away anymore.

But it was fake.

The someone left.

The someone was nothing.

My creativity was still gone.

Then another came and went, and another, and another. I never put too much stress on romances so I felt relieved to find a good friend. But good friends never lasted for me either. They always grew out of whatever we had in common, found new friends, found a boyfriend, started doing drugs, blah blah blah. In the end, no matter what, I was always alone. I didn't have any stories left either.

Now I have some good friends. I want to love them like people in TV seem to love their friends but I cant decide if its practical or not.

I guess.. in the end I just want to be smiling...so maybe I should start making myself some stories again.