Unhappy.

I don't understand any thing. My friends, my family, the future. I got a lot of stuff for college done and I was pretty excited. Then I got the bill~ My financial aid wont kick in in time because I had to wait too long for it. Why did I have to wait so long? My dad wouldn't give me his tax information. I asked him so many fucking times and he didn't do it. I looked myself since he wouldn't do it and I still couldn't find it! He finally got it one day before my placement test. I have 7 days to pay bunch of money that I don't have and if my dad had just given me the papers it would have been taken care of. I don't want to e ven go to college now. I didn't want to before.

My grandpa yelled at me and told me I should have gotten this stuff done months ago. I don't know how to do this kind of thing! I don't have any positive role model to help me with any thing! If I have depended on myself for my whole life how does he expect me to ask for help now?

All and all the only person to blame is myself. If I really wanted this shit to be done I would have started it months ago. That's the problem , I don't want to go to college. I think I'm a responsible person. I know that in order to make money in life I need to go to college. I wish I could be more whimsical and not have to worry about the future. I mean gosh, I'm only eighteen and I think like a forty year old. All and all..I don't want to go to college. I never have. I don't want to exist either..

Tomorrow will be another day.
Tomorrow my problems might go away.